165

165... that's my weight right now. I'm just puttin' it out there. I was watching "100 top celebrity slim downs" and with the exception of maybe two people, I weigh more than all of the women at their heaviest. This of course inspired me to begin looking at photos, past and present, of me. I have always been over weight (in my mind) but now I'm seriously over weight in reality too.

Stress, too many hours working, not enough hours sleeping, and the emotional anxiety of this last year have taken their toll. I look so much older even than a year ago. I look tired. Some days I care, most I don't.

I was thinking that this coming week I may have a lot of answers I've been looking for professionally, which could address some of the challenges I've had financially, and then I can get on track. Then it struck me, this past three years have been like that for me. One situation after another, if I could just get past it, then I could start thinking about my weight. I could lie and say, I could start thinking about my health, but I know that's not it. Other than when I thought I was having a heart attack, I haven't been to a doctor in at least three maybe four years. I haven't been to an OB/GYN in all that time, I don't take vitamins, and dinner is often whatever's in the fridge, two to three glasses of wine, or nothing.

I don't even know where to begin but 165 sucks. 165 sucks and if I don't do something it may not even be the highest number I see on the scale.

Here, There, and Everywhere

Life is too short to be serious all of the time. Bad things happen, good things happen, and somewhere along the way you have to let it go. You have to realize that if you spend your life worrying about what might happen and feeling sad about what has happened, you never really live.

I'm knocking on 40's door. Time to let it go, accept whatever happens, and start living for today. What do they say "...either get busy living or get busy dying..."? I think it's time to get busy living.

To my sisters: I love you all. I can't possibly express how much joy, peace, and richness you bring. I hope I do the same for you.