Faith, Yoda, and the Meaning of Life

"... well the anxiety I get, but panic attacks we need to discuss..." says Dr. B
"I get them when I think of something happening to Stefan or death."
"Stefan I understand but tell me about death," Dr B
"Thinking about death gives me a panic attack. It's weird, I have such strong faith," I say steepling my hands in front of me and nodding slightly (don't know why I do that), "But when it comes to dying? I have such a hard time believing... I don't know, in afterlife or ... I just think we end." It sounds like a cop out to me as I say it. Kind of like being agnostic "well, I'll believe if I see proof..."

Dr. B laughs a little and explains something about me being existentialist something or other. Apparently a very deep thinker, like a philosopher, which means I could be really smart but likely depress myself. Now, that's funny. It did get me to thinking though. My favorite character from Star Wars is Yoda. My favorite Yoda quote is, "Do or do not. There is no try." Sounds kind of like faith to me. If your faith only extends to what you perceive some amount of control over (i.e. your life), then how strong is that faith? Not very.

You believe or you don't. It's like Miracle on 34th Street. That part when the handsome young lawyer decides to defend Santa and the department store starts the campaign, "Do you believe?" Then all those people all over the city start putting out their signs and gathering in crowds and even wearing symbols of their faith. I get so happy in that part of the movie, it always makes me cry. I bounce up and down, clasping my hands, and cheer (the dogs think I'm crazy but that's okay). I'm thinking, "I believe! I believe!"

And it is faith. You either believe and trust and listen to your heart... completely ... or you don't. There is no half way.