Kindred Spirit

I just read a blog post written by my dearest friend. As I read it, I could feel her pain, attempt at optimism, guilt over expressing her disappointment, and hope. Hope that some day things would return to "normal." My friend is one of those people who lights up a room just by walking into it. She gives and gives and gives. She takes care of everyone but especially me.

In her post she wrote about feeling like a spectator in her life. Interestingly enough, another dear friend also wrote about life's experiences. She shared a passage that expressed that life brings you the experiences you need to have to more fully evolve as a human being. Naturally, it was much more eloquently stated than that, but the combition of writing gives me pause.

There are so many days that I have to concentrate on the next immediate thing, not looking too forward or too far back, lest I become overwhelmed. I have to concentrate on not allowing myself to get consumed with sadness. I have to keep myself so busy that I don't have time to notice how alone I am. I don't want to become one of those people other people dread hearing from.

I look back sometimes at the things I'm doing, at what I'm trying to accomplish, and I think "Wow, that's pretty cool." I kind of feel some times like I am making a difference, like I might actually be helping people, and that maybe someone somewhere is feeling encouraged by what I'm doing. I watch, like a spectator, like my friend's post. It's all just going by. It's felt like that for so long. What if that's just life? What if my lessons or experiences never lead to more than this? What if I end up the crazy old lady with all the dogs?